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Life is beautiful ...... but Monday`s suck all the way around.
I put on my pants like everyone else. Right after the security guard in Target says "Sir, we`re going to have to ask you to leave."
Boss: Why aren`t you working? Me: I didn`t see you coming!
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
I said "sad face emoji" instead of actually frowning today if you want to know how out of touch with reality I am.
Engineers: "okay, so we agree the space between the seat and the console will allow people to see what they dropped but never retrieve it"
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to go poop after you get out of the shower.
Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.
My newsfeed looks like a cross between a Civil War Soldier and ZZ Top photo album.
I imagine some people are like...: `should I take the shower?...no...I`m taking the train today...`
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.