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When i am bored, i like parking along side the xpressway stick a hair dryer out the window, and watch everyone slam on their brakes.
People don`t want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
I thought 70 was the new 50, but the cop still gave me a ticket.
New Subway rule: You must give the person in front of you a wedgie if they take more than 5 seconds to choose what kind of bread they want.
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
Was disappointed when I watched the films Shaft, XXX, X-Men, In To Deep, Snatch, The Box, Free Willy. None of them were what I expected...
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
You guys, how can true love still exist if we don`t have mixed tapes anymore?
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s
I swear my toddler yells at me in Vietnamese
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.