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Offering someone food and secretly hoping they say no.
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
I found a real money maker in selling homing pigeons....... So far this month I sold mine 4 times.
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.
No matter how nice I ask random people, nobody will take me to Funkytown.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.