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Almost time for my nightly foursome......... Me, my bed, my pillow and my blanket! What the hell were YOU thinkin` you perv!!!!!!
If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington`s decision when he reached the Delaware.
Do you know what would really be fun? ... No really.. If you know, tell me.. I`m bored to death.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Yes Grandma, I`m almost positive Arachnophobia is not the fear of people from Iraq
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
Relationships always start out as "You`re smart and funny." and end up as "You think you know everything and it`s all a joke to you!"
Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair. Made of steel. Twice. From Hulk. On adrenaline rush.
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
If Wendy`s think their square burgers are so awesome, why don`t they use square buns?
Cops never say “thanks for committing crimes and keeping us employed”. It’s just plain selfish.
Mail from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:No subject