Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If anyone every texts me "who is this" I always respond "Jake from State Farm"
Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
I can’t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she`s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I`ll kill you all.
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
“I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook.
Your mother never saw the irony in calling you son of a bitch.
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
I bought a book on eBay called, "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it`s not arrived yet
To avoid conversations at work, always walk with purpose and a toilet plunger.