Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t go to bars for the same reason I don’t grocery shop when I’m hungry. I always come home with things I didn’t need.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
In my defense, I was left un-supervised...
It`s going to be so disappointing if we ever ask aliens about crop circles and they`re just like, "We really hate corn."
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
Instead of “single” as a relationship option, it should read “independently owned and operated”
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.