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My dad taught me righty tighty, lefty loosie.... that`s why I never dated left handed chicks.
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C
I`ll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you`re 23."
Nothing changes a Facebook relationship status faster than a weekend full of tagged photos!
I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen.
I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.
Relationships, Marriages, work and children are what keep alcohol companies in business.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she`s going to get me something.
I`m already an idiot, I just need a village.
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
I have some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection`s map for gas money is reaching a new low.
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person ... apparently they call that stalking.