Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m going to make a bucket list: Things I`m going to do before I kick the bucket. Number 1: WEAR SHOES!!!
Bored? Update your Facebook to “in a relationship” with someone you’ve never met just to see if they’ll confirm.
The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to open the vodka is the smartest.
Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
I keep myself in good enough shape to outrun most women and children during emergencies.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I will kill you."
You should probably take everything I say with a grain of salt. And lime. And shot of tequila.
11th Commandment: Thou shall not gossip about other people’s lives when you are not doing any better yourself.
Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
Lower your expectations and I will totally amaze you.
I bet people who like their own statuses wink at themselves in the mirror too.
I don`t care about Disney lying about the Prince Charmings out there. I`m more annoyed that random woodland creatures won`t clean my house.
I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”