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Sarcasm: because snapping a neck is frowned upon in a court of law.
When a guy texts a girl “hey stranger”, what he really means is “I’ve recently thought about trying to get in your pants again.”
What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says "trust me, you don`t want to know."
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
I always try to behave on Friday nights but there are usually too many other options.
You know what bothers me? When people assume you`re homeless cause you`re asleep on the street and your pants are gone..
I only drink on two occasions; when its my birthday and when its not.
Admit it, at some point in time you’ve tried to see if you had superpowers.
I just saw a disclaimer that said “don’t try this at home”, so I tried it at my neighbors house.
Sometimes I feel happy, but then the Oreos run out.
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
Having a pen!s is like having a friend that always wants to play.