Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
My doctor prescribed me xanax instead of birth control pills I asked for. Now I have 9 kids, but I don`t care.
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
I was sitting in traffic the other day. That’s probably why I got run over.
Man, that .01% of germs that can´t be killed by hand sanitizer must be some bad a$$ sh!t
I`m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.