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Multi-tasking: the art of screwing up everything all at once.
Me- We need eggs. Hub- How many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
Sorry, I can`t hangout. My uncle`s cousin`s sister in law`s best friend`s insurance agent`s roommate`s pet goldfish drowned. It was tragic.
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would`ve been if he`d eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
She was rare, like an onion ring in french fries
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
My bed and I are in a good relationship, and my alarm clock is so0o jealous...
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?
Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.