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Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
"Hey, man, just called to see when you`re going to commercial. Now? Ok, us too." -Radio Stations
My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
One man`s girlfriend is another man`s password.
Childless people wondering what it`s like to have some kiddos? Make a lovely healthy breakfast. Take it and throw it all over the floor.
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
Figure it out people. It’s a 4-way stop sign not a woman.
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
I broke my finger today. But on the other hand I`m fine.
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
How can I go to sleep when this movie I’ve seen 70 times just started?
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.
Mattel is launching a new Facebook Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box.