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Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
"Probiotic" sounds a lot better than "bacteria infested"
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Sunday is Mother`s Day, which means Facebook is gonna be annoying as crap...
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
“The darndest things.” -kids
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.
Hash browns not tags.
I just heard someone say "I can`t wait for 13/13/13" .....let`s take a moment and pray for this dumbass
What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won`t buy the book.