Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can tell a guy has a woman in his life when he remembers to do stuff like put on deodorant and wipe his butt most of the time!
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
It`s friday!! I smell vodka ;)
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1) I don`t have iPhone. 2) I don`t have a girlfriend.
The doctor said I need to drink more whiskey....Oh, by the way... I`m calling myself "the doctor" now.
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. Hahaha I’m so sorry. No I’m not.
Part of me wants to help you with your crisis, but part of me wants to go to happy hour.
Sometimes I zone out and forget what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.