Daily Silly Status

If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"

For a minute there, I thought I had just wasted 60 seconds...

I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.

Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum

Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?

Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"

Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.

When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Kohls.

What if dreams are just glimpses of alternate universes?

i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit

I wish Monday was a figment of my imagination.

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Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.

Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.

I will never miss you, because I`m a really good shooter.