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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
Just hung a picture. I nailed it.
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
Wanna come over for pizza and sex? I`m just kidding ... there`s no pizza.
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
OK I`ve stumbled out of bed and made it to the computer- and another Facebook day begins!
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
Does "who cares" count as advice?
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
Christmas is truly a magical time. It`s made all my money disappear!
My favorite mythical creature is the happy b*tch in tampon commercials.
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.