Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
Its funny how your friends change , Meet new people and forget about you . :( But just know i`ll still be in your heart?
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
Call me a hoarder if you want but don`t come crying to me when you need a 3 foot tall stack of mayonnaise jar labels.
My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again.
Calm down shouty museum man. I think it`s pretty obvious that I know how to ride a dinosaur skeleton.
I wish I had the balls to be a juggler.
We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
It`s not my fault you thought I was normal.
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."
Having kids puts a new perspective on life.