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A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”
I never thought I`d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning ... I was right!
Happy Wednesday 2014 Everyone!
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
Don`t believe everything you think.
Superman wears his underwear outside his pants and he`s a "hero". But I do, and I`m "weird", "creepy" and "never invited over again."
There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.
You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch
Non alcoholic beer is like porn movie on a radio
I`ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
Every family has a plastic bag full of plastic bags.
The race to get Dad a Christmas present usually ends in a tie.
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.
If you feel lonely... dim all lights & put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore