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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
If it weren’t for law enforcement and physics, I would be unstoppable.
Ever work out and think "wow I really needed that"? That`s how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate.
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
"Memory foam pillow fights". That`s one fight you`ll never forget.
Don`t tell me what to do unless you`re naked.
I recently jumped on the back of my psychologist and started counting...1...2...3 and he was so suprised asking me what I was doing and I answered offendedly: "Well you`re the one who said I could always count on you !"
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
Confession #156: I always prepare myself before stepping on the escalator
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
Folks, there`s no need to say GOODNIGHT on Facebook. NO ONE will be thinking " hey where did they go".
Just got back from the car dealership and long story short, I`m now the proud owner of a giant circus tent.
Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a train track.
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.