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You Are The Reason My Middle Finger Was Created.
I am a completely different person when I`m not under female supervision.
It makes me sad that so many women feel like they have to wear makeup and clothes.
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
All alcohol will make my clothes fall off… tequila just makes that happen in public.
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
I laughed more at the Broncos offense then I did at the commercials.
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
I bought powdered water but I don`t know what to add to it.
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
Do short people start their childhood stories with "when I was little", too?
There are only 53 days until Christmas... just a heads-up in case you haven`t shopped for me yet.
When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"