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When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people......
I haven`t slept for three days, because that would be too long
Don`t play stupid with me! I`m better at it.
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better ... Well, for me anyway.
Where do I see myself in 5 years? May 2019. Next question.
I just apologized to my wife for something she did wrong. Marriage is fun.
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
You haven`t truly made it on YouTube until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.
I saw Tom Hanks and asked for his autograph. He abbreviated it, and it just said "Thanks"
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
MARRIAGE TIP: Don`t get fat.