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I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
Not to brag, but I don`t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn`t mean to eat it. I don`t want to be a bug.
I live for two reasons. 1) I was born. 2) I haven`t died yet.
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
You need a high five, in the face, with a chair.
Went looking for camouflage underwear today.....couldn`t find any
My mission is to be the first person on Facbook to have one million people on their block list. . .
Just saw a guy driving while eating ice cream. F*cking sundae drivers.
Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.
Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
So it turns out being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.