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Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
Hmmmm what should I buy myself for Valentines day.
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
The hardest thing about returning to work after a long weekend is remembering to fart quietly.
Things that make women emotional- 1) sad movies 2) love stories 3) anything 4) everything
You know you`re old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, you know you have small boobs
Facebook Poking Hours: Mon-Friday 7am-10pm Sat 12-11pm Sun Closed
If you don’t count any of my failures, I’m quite successful.
Take me seriously at your own risk.
I love sleep because its like a time machine to breakfast.
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
Why must I prove I`m me, if I`m callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!
I`ve been around the block a few times.....but only because I was too drunk to find my house.
Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.