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Corduroy boxing gloves deliver the best punchlines.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come to work
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
Trust me when I say anyone can dance! - Jack Daniels
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
We all make mistakes .... I just do it better than everyone else.
The Teen Choice Awards air last tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren`t allowed to vote.
Now tell me how old your baby is in hours.
Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.