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Falling in love is lot like dying, you never get to do it enough to become good at it.
I`m running low on funny but I have plenty of sexy left.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
How old were you when you found out your parents were using Santa Claus as a behavior-modification tool?
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
If women really knew what men think, there would be restraining orders on all men.
there`s a fine line between "cocky" and "confidence"...and it just so happens I have perfect balance!
I hate how my friends are always trying to convince me to do extreme activities. Like bungee jumping, skydiving or leaving the house.
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
Helpful Tip : Never ask the cop to hold your beer while you dig out your drivers license.
MY 8 YEAR OLD: "Walrus testicles are called walnuts."
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to .... unless your in prison!!!
If I can see you, you`re invading my personal space.
This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling