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They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
"Lets all put our phones down and talk with each other.." - Someone who has run out of phone battery.
Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in?
Calm down ... Take a deep breath and hold it for about 30 minutes.
If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you`re one of them.
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Me: There has to be a way I can lose weight! Friend: Eat healthy? Exercise? Me: No, that`s not it. Keep thinking! We`ll figure this out.
The key to eating healthy is to avoid any food that has a TV commercial.
Today is national I don`t feel like doing sh!t today. Celebrate accordingly.
This morning someone threw Skittles at me and said "Taste the Rainbow", I ran them over with my car and sang,"Nationwide is on your side"
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
It`s really cold out there folks. If you`re heading to Wal-Mart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn’t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.