Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
According to my nipples, summer is over
I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible.
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
It`s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I`ve decided to start growling.
What idiot named them nostrils instead of scent vents?
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
The difference between beer and your opinion is that I asked for a beer.
Every selfie you post should come stamped with a number like a limited edition print. "Attempt 7 of 25".
Sweat pants & Uggs in public says "and I didn`t brush my teeth, either."
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!