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Just think: right now, your body is cookin` up some poop.
A penny for your thoughts. Five bucks if they`re dirty.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
He was like, `We`re all slowly dying` So I was like, `WRONG` and I threw him in front of a moving bus.
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
Today please just pretend I wrote something hilarious, click like, and move on down the news feed.
I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald’s.
i m not totally useless, i can b used as bad example
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes...
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
You never really know if you`re over someone until you`re in the car and they`re in the crosswalk.
Coffee? I`ll have a cream soda ... One cup of coffee and I`m up all afternoon.
Some people say I`m a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you`re fired"
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.