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The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
Its so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way UP
Often I convince myself I enjoy the company of other humans. Then I spend time with them and remember I don`t.
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
Iām on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle!
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
I was fighting with this guy over who`s lazier. I let him win.
Some days should come with a warning label: This day is going to suck, bring alcohol.
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
DOCTORS WRITING: "?? ?? ??." HOW I SEE IT: "?????." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Aspirin."
If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don`t: technically, you did
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.