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Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
Why don’t television shows say, “You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?”
"The Ugly Duckling" has a great message. Everything in life will work itself out once you become physically attractive.
I`ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
The internet is just another location for people to be wrong about things.
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress so that I’ll have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
I puked in the backseat of my friend`s brand new Mustang in the Fall of 1989. There wasn`t any social networking back then, so I`m telling you all now...
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry
Plastic surgeons are the only people that actually encourage you to pick your nose.
Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!
1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don`t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.