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Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at the waiter when he brings my meal.
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
I DON`T NEED ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!! (Except for Louie...the name I`ve given this meatball sub.)
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
I`ve always wondered why they don`t have a pregnant Barbie doll? Turns out Ken comes in a different box...
I have a black belt in leather
If I`m ever in the hospital on Life Support, don`t just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
Why is it called Boob Sweat and not Humiditties?
I hate it when I open Facebook and miss a week of work.
Facebook should make it to where it says, `Went from being in a relationship` to `Problem solved.`