Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I feel ready to face the world as a responsible adult now that I`ve taken today`s gummy vitamins.
Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.
If a bra is called an `over the shoulder bolder holder`, then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut
I was getting really depressed today but then I realized double cheeseburgers exist
Tyler on Facebook says he ran 1.7 miles this morning… So based on calculations, I have 35 minutes to ransack his house tomorrow morning.
I’m not a picky eater or anything but I will look at both sides of a Dorito before I eat it to decide if its got a good cheesy dust ratio.
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
Someone once said, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So, I’m pleased to announce the grand opening of my titty squeezing business!!
Traffic would be awesome if we all drove hamster balls.
I don`t know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish`s Birth date.
Jake from State Farm works some very crappy hours.
I own a shop selling `CLOSED` signs. We haven`t had a single customer today.
I’m drinking something. I`ll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”
When we were kids, we didn`t have Pokemon Go. If we wanted to look for things that weren`t there, we would get stoned like normal people.
Great friends never let you do stupid things......alone