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Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
That moment when you’re talking to yourself and you smile like an idiot, because you’re just so hilarious.
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
Facebook: Making stalking people much more convenient since 2004.
I overheard 2 girls say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
Do you think Santa regrets giving all those bad kids coal now that global warming is threatening his home?
yes I have a dirty mind, and yes you are in it...
Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.
What`s the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV, like oh you`ve fooled me, what`s behind that blur? Is it a monkey? A pencil?
I usually want to post intelligent and witty comments. But I end up posting stupid and funny ones so my friends can understand them.
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.