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Just tried to pay for my McDonalds with a hug, it didn`t work. Don`t believe the rumors.
Why can`t braille just be in the shape of the letters?
Actions speak louder than words when you smack someone in the back of the head with a shovel
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
I don`t feel like folding the laundry, so I just restart the dryer
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
Next time you ride on a roller coaster, take some spare bolts with you and just as it starts to move, tap the person in front of you and say, "these just fell out of your seat."
That tenth doctor is a selfish idiot, he never recommends anything!
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.