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Monica & Chandler’s twins would be 9 this year, Pheobe’s triplets 14, Ben 18, and Emma 11. Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in.
DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!!!!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.
Million dollar idea: Pills that you can take with alcohol.
“Knock him out.” – Mama
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
Apparently, when asked "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "F**kin` large ones" is not the correct answer.
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what`s the first thing you`d buy?
Where is the button to restart summer?
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven