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Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
Ya, Wednesday sucks but… it could be Monday!
When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.
Walmart: the only place on Earth you can get a haircut, eye exam, ice cream sandwich, tires for your car, and witness a real life "what not to wear" episode.
If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it`s not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
Don`t waste my timeline.
High fiving was the original "like".
I`m sorry, I live in the U.S. so I don`t really get the metric system. How much exactly is "in moderation"?
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
If you wake up with a funny taste in your mouth on christmas morning...............just remember that santa only cums once a year. :D
Don`t hate me because I`m beautiful. Hate me because your man thinks I am.
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.