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Dear guys: Women don`t want pictures of your d!ck. Maybe try sending a screenshot of your bank statement and see where things go.
Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
Life is not fair. But life is not fair for everyone, which actually makes it fair.
I hate when I’m alone in the dark and my brain says, “Hey, you know what we haven’t thought about in a while? Ghosts..”
No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
Installing home security cameras seemed like a great idea but explaining my dance offs with the dog was something I should`ve considered.
Legally, it`s questionable .. Morally, it`s disgusting .. Personally, I love it. ;)
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
90% of adulthood is just deleting emails.
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.
My favorite exercise is somewhere between a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
If something rolls off of my plate... I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.