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When I say "It`s a long story," it doesn`t mean it`s actually a long story. It means I just don`t want to tell you.
My Therapist told me not to drink while I`m on my Meds but little does she know...I`ve been off my Meds for almost a week now!
“Until death do us part” means we’re all single in heaven, right?
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
Reverse Psychology: DO not STALK MY FB PAGE. YOU ARE not OBSESSED WITH ME...
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
That awkward moment for a guy when he`s at a urinal stall and another guy takes the stall right next to him when there`s plenty of other perfectly good stalls farther away..
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to.
I hate that little line of dirt that I can never get into the dust pan.
Mom: Some scary old lady keeps FaceTiming me. Me: Mom, turn your camera around and she’ll go away.