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I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your so vain...you probably think this post is about you
“Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
Lawns: You cut them, then water them so they grow just so you can cut them again. This does not make sense.
If I was famous I would just knock on peoples doors and be like ... Hello, yes it`s me.
And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.
My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.