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My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’
When a woman says, "I`m NOT crazy" *clapping her palms together per syllable* That`s universal for, "You`re going to die."
wants to come back as a bird after I die.... just so i can sh!t on the people who piss me off.
To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
People who actually rate porn videos are the unsung heroes of our generation.
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
I took a 5hr energy today. they`re right about being able to multitask because it made me puke and poop at the sametime..
In fact, yes, l can multitask. I can screw up several things at once.
Hey, did you know that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in