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I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
I don’t mean to alarm you but you know those people in your office that can’t work the fax machine? They’re driving home on the same roads.
Siri, destroy the vehicle in front of me.
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
Still no news on the royal baby. One will assume its being delivered by Royal Mail
As i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death i was like what da f**k am i doin here
Some of us are basically unpaid Facebook interns.
Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as “grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube.”
Story of my life : 1. i wake up .... 2. i go to school.... 3. i see a girl .... 4. i run to her and kiss her.... Actually, the right order is 2,3,4,1 ..
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34D.
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.