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In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
"Dancing with the Stars" is being canceled, but tune in to a new reality show by the same creators called, "Athletes do your Taxes."
Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?
It`s great how you have legs that can take you away from a conversation when you don`t feel like listening to people anymore
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
I once bought shoes in China that said "made around the corner"
More funny statuses will be posted here soon
Not trying to be racist or ignorant but... seriously, all crocodiles and alligators look alike.
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
When I grow up I wanna be a psychiatrist for the mentally insane...so i can find out what the hell is wrong with you people
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.
Copy this and paste it in your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone.. If you don´t know anyone, or even if you´ve heard of someone who doesn´t know anyone, then do still copy this. It´s important to spread the message. Oh and the hearts ? ? ? ? For crap´s sake, don´t forget the hearts! ? ? ? ?
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.