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I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: “skeletal remains,” “dumpster,” “almost beyond recognition,” “dental records” and “shallow grave.”
You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
Today I met one of those people on the bus that gets all pissed off when you put your finger in their mouth when they yawn.
What idiot decided to call them marijuana dispensaries and not grass stations?
i hate it when other people hate the person i hate!!!
I`d like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars. Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire.
When your boss says "You need help", he never means a hitman.
Dear middle finger: thank you for always sticking up for me.
Relationship Tip for men: When a woman says, "Correct me if I`m wrong but...."Don`t do it!! It`s a trap!! DO NOT, I repeat, do not correct that woman!!!
Guess it`s time to get to the part of the day I hate... the part which requires pants.
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.
A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.
Sorry I said "nice phone" when you showed me a photo of your baby.