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People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
Today is opposite day. Wait...if today is opposite day and I say that it is opposite day that means today isn`t opposite day. If it isn`t opposite day then how cAn I say today is opposite dAy? I`m so confused -.-
Screw doing situps...teddy bears don`t and everyone loves them.
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sex, not the whole entire relationship...
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...
Apparently people don`t like it when you lick your thumb and wipe all that black dirt off their forehead.
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective