Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
And, yet another day I’ve gone without using calculus.
People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
Nothing says “I don’t give a sh!t” like a Hawaiian shirt.
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
I`d rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries.
How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
I`m not sure how to say this but ... Worcestershire sauce
My mother always used to think that my friends were bad influences. ..I wonder if she`s figured out yet that I was the one coming up with all the ideas? ;)
When I grow up I wanna be a psychiatrist for the mentally insane...so i can find out what the hell is wrong with you people
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
A cop pulled me over and said ``Papers...`` So I said, ``Scissors, I win!`` and drove off like a boss!