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I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
Are you tired of every day being the same? Congratulations, you’re an adult!
I`m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
It`s amazing how many pedestrians confuse right-of-way with immortality.
When I`m bored, I send a random text to a random number saying "I hid the body... now what?"
You`re an intellectual who doesn`t read books? I completely understand because I`m an athlete that rarely moves.
I`m beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?