Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ever been completely out of toilet paper that you send your kid next door to get some? Me neither, I just like to embarrass my kid.
I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
Couldn`t stop thinking about that drought on the west coast while I was watering my driveway today.
My home security system is a series of paintings with the eyes cut out.
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
Sometimes what sounds like opportunity knocking is actually disappointment leaving a flaming bag of poop on your doorstep.
I’ve already decided, if I ever go to The Price Is Right, I’m gonna “come on down” whether they call my name or not.
It`s so hot I have my air condition set on bankruptcy.
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter, like watching TV and having a beer.
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
Time to get Star Spangled hammered. Happy 4th you crazy Americans.
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village has one.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.