Daily Silly Status

It`s tough being a people person when you can`t stand most people.

Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.

All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don`t subject an innocent cat to a life with you.

How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?

If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other

Since they`re loud and heavily scented already, Abercrombie & Fitch stores really are the ideal spot to go fart.

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I`d probably have done better if they`d specified that they didn`t mean by tickling.

Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow`s ass

Most of my colleagues and friends can`t spell colleagues or friends.

I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.

If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.

Vodka can be mixed with anything, including more vodka.

*driving behind a cop* Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have turned.

People think I`m a hugger, but I`m actually shaking them down for snacks.