Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
My internet was down for almost 4 mins, I’m ok but the 911 operator was a total b!tch about it!
Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know.
Did you ever notice that the doctor’s bill is always a lot more readable than the doctor’s prescription?
You`d think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.
"Hey! Aren`t you that guy from the village people?" - Me, to every cop who pulls me over
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
People ask me why I don`t have any tattoos and I respond with, would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
Facebook posts with 12 hashtags, who the f*ck are you trying to reach?
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it.