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Why hasn`t anyone invented a button next to the snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
In alcohol`s defense, I`ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
Okay, let’s get this straight. There’s no way everone here has the best boyfriend in the world.
If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, the only thing that can cheer you up is bringing somebody else down with you.
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people.
I don`t always say `oops`, but when I do, it`s usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea.
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.
I`m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
I’ve found the best way to learn your co-workers’ names is by eating their food in the office fridge