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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
When`s it gonna be the 4th of July? I feel like blowin somethin` up and not gettin` arrested.
I`ve been knocking for ten minutes. Don`t people answer their bathroom windows anymore?
That`s not chapstick in my front pocket.
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
The United States is probably the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer all day.
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
Never judge a girl`s boob size by their jacket.
My clothes are 75% off and this is not a sale.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
The best part of winter coming is that all the bugs are rotting in hell where they belong.
Birds do it. Bees do it. Heck, even fleas do it. Let`s do it! Let`s live in a homeless man`s beard!
Who says I can`t relate to today`s youth? I overheard a teenager saying he loved "riding on E" and I was like "I totally get it, gas is so damn expensive".
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!