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why earn money when it comes easier when you just ask
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.
I really would like to take a yoga class. But I really can`t trust my farts.
What is this `wrong hole` you people speak of?
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you’re an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.
keep scrolling I`ve got nothing....
I`ve decided to start taking more supplements: calcium pills for my bones, ginkgo pills for my memory, milk thistle for my liver, ginkgo pills for my memory...
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.
Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.
Anything is legal when there`s no police around
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell