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Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
Sometimes you can just tell it`s going to be a "Does not play well with others" kind of day.
Anyone who wastes my time is a clocksucker.
No matter which path you choose, there will always be some asshole in front of you trying to make a left.
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
Cats don`t come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can`t put them in the washing machine.
I think it`s about time Taylor Swift wrote a song called "Maybe I`m the Problem"
Of course you should follow me. I’m funny. Ask anyone. Well, except my mother-in-law. Don`t ask her.
I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
I like to refer to myself as a "Second-hand Vegetarian". Animals eat grass. I eat animals.
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.
I`m good at counting cards. I keep ending up with 52.