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I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "The Illuminaughty"
Perhaps Nicki Minaj just lost a series of bets.
You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald’s stops serving breakfast.
I stick pins and needles in the people I don`t like because can`t afford voodoo dolls.
I decided I`m not doing the whole clock-back routine this year. If you need me, I`ll be in the frickin future.
Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...
you know why maths is unhappy? because it got so many problems.
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
Day 1. I am thankful that I haven`t fallen into the trap of Facebook thankful status updates.
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer,, you`re going to jail.
Hey Pringles, it`s time to widen the can. Your core demographic isn`t exactly thin-wristed.
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.