Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My doctor told me to stop drinking...Then he told me to stop laughing.
I donate blood 5 times a year just so I`m less and less related to some of my relatives.
Exercise? More like extra fries.
Immature is a word boring people use to describe fun people.
If you ever question yourself, your life choices, your sanity...just watch an episode of Hoarders and you`ll be all good.
I don’t have bumper stickers because I don’t believe in anything strongly enough to potentially get my car keyed.
Always bring a stopwatch to church, guys. You want the girl that spends the longest amount of time in confession.
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
My lifetime stats are pretty average until you move over to the Pizza Consumed column.
I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.
The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.
Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.
Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I`m guessing it`s because the other fifty percent can`t afford lawyers.
I hate long distance relationships. That`s why I moved the fridge into my bedroom.
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up