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They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew..
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That`s what the bill is for.
I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
I am at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old with a permanent marker without a lid.
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
Just once, I`d like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
a lady at the grocery store asked me, "How do I know you?"...to which I replied, "You must watch a lot of porn".
Bands who can`t afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert