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I just can`t help it ... Sarcastic bitch is built-in.
At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
I started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can`t hear me through binoculars.
I try to conduct myself as a perfect gentleman whenever I meet a lady. Chicks dig that.
The bears had it right choosing to hibernate all winter.
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
I`m sorry, we can`t hire you. But your background check was hilarious.
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
That awkward moment when the creepy guy in the white van doesn`t have candy...
The less you know, the more you think you do.
Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.