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If you try and don´t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
OH NO !,,,,,,,,, I just realized I can`t stop calling the addiction hotline....
Kids today don`t know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
Facebook is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.
I like how flies rub their hands together like tiny criminals
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
never realized how awkward it is to study the reproductive system in a coffee shop.. until now.
I don`t care about Disney lying about the Prince Charmings out there. I`m more annoyed that random woodland creatures won`t clean my house.
Occasionally, I like to take a look through my old status updates and smile at my sparkling wit.
Note to self: the wife does not want an `exercise pole`.