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The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
The ‘poke’ button on Facebook should be replaced with a ‘slap’ button.
I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want. If my wife says it`s okay.
My door bell is a recording of a shotgun being racked.
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
hearing that Jesus loves you is very nice unless you`re in a Mexican prison
Who called them expiration dates instead of spoiler alerts
My 5 year old still has so much to learn. I asked him for a screwdriver and he brought me some sort of tool.
Holy sh!t Karma, how much longer till we`re all squared up?
First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.