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I just found out that checking your credit score actually LOWERS your credit rating. Seriously? That`s like every time you look in the mirror, you get a little bit uglier.
Life is full of disappointments, I`ll just add you to the list.
Only 2 phrases can change a woman’s mood: ”I Love You” and ”50% Off”.
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office – I will track you down. You have my Word.
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”
Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
Save the US Postal Service. Have the Jehovah Witness and Mormons deliver the mail.
I am now convinced that the homeless people have all of the shopping carts that do not have the wobbly wheels.
Fact: Turtles can breathe through their butts. And I thought I had bad morning breath.
I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted.
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus
Folks, there`s no need to say GOODNIGHT on Facebook. NO ONE will be thinking " hey where did they go".
If the shoe fits, buy it.
My New Year`s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.