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I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
Ironically, Internet was made to save our time.
Studies confirm that smoking withdrawal (for me) can be fatal (for you).
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
Inviting a friend to play Candy Crush Saga is like hosting an intervention and providing the crack.
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
That amazing moment when you post a comment on Facebook and everyone likes it.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads.
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
I`m at that "licking peanutbutter off a spoon" time to go grocery shopping point....