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Showing cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
Hard work never killed anyone but why risk it?
I hate buying feminine products! How am I supposed to know if this is the right kind of broom or not?
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
I just became a professional Counterfeiter, I even have the certificates to prove it.
I always tell the person at the drive-thru that they are so much prettier than I pictured them when I was ordering.
The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
If you can make a woman laugh, you`re almost there. If you`re almost there & she laughs, now that`s a different thing.
that awkward moment when you`re alone somewhere and trying to take a picture of yourself.
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
We didn`t take a video recording of our child`s birth but we have some awesome video of his conception.
Learned a lesson from my dog tonight ... No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.