Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My dog was licking his balls. My friend said "I wish I could do that." I said "You better pet him first; he can be mean sometimes."
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
I ate gummy bears and didn`t bite off their heads or make screaming noises as they entered my mouth and I think this means I`m an adult now.
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
If a 747 can carry a f*cking space shuttle on its back, Iām calling bullsh!t on an overweight baggage charge.
Relationship status: Are you gonna eat that?
According to new research, too much sex can cause memory loss. Finally, something that explains my ultra detailed photographic memory.
Iām sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problem 99% demons.
I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn`t look that much different from my actual head.
Thanks for the free weekend offer E-Harmony but my wife said I can`t use it.
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.