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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
3yo just yelled "face-five!" & slapped his brother in the face. I`m totally using that at work tomorrow.
Here`s a thought: Let`s let the illegal Mexicans stay and send the whining crybabies to Mexico. At least the illegal Mexicans are willing to work.
People who try to test my patience don`t realize it`s an exam I don`t plan on passing
Phones are getting smarter and thinner. People, not so much.
I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he ended up fixing the washing machine after all.
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
Literally saw someone get a tattoo of a camel on their toe.
Give up, itsy-bitsy spider. It wasn`t meant to be.
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
We`ve spent years planning and preparing for the zombie apocalypse all for nothing......clowns....its gonna be clowns that finish us off.
Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!
My dad use to take me to the circus to see the clowns, freakshows and the bearded lady. Now... I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.
Sorry I said "nice phone" when you showed me a photo of your baby.
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360