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So exhausting to have my life changed for the better every time someone posts a screenshot of a famous quote.
Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.
There are 2 types of people that annoy me: Drunk people, when I`m sober. Sober people, when I`m drunk.
"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
People in love use phrases like “takes my breath away” and “swept me off my feet”. I think they’re confusing love with attempted murder.
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
Its real cute how pedestrians confuse “right of way” with immortality.
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
You seem like a sweat person. Mind if I lick you to find out?
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
Jack and Jill Went up the hill To have a little fun. Jill, the dill, Forgot her pill, And now they have a son.
Secret Web Cam Test: Please nod your head yes if you can read this.