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Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some sh!t.
Now that I`m on Facebook, I can finally put that English degree I obtained to some use…
I can’t hang out tonight because I’m done with people for the day.
If I could trade places with anyone for a day it would have to be on the day I die. I wouldn`t want to be me on that day.
Shout out to bees, willing to kill themselves just to inconvenience a hater.
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
Don`t talk to me about hard times. My dog just licked the last piece of pizza.
Another day....another 0.2% of a dollar
My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn`t pull her weight financially and she`s scared of the vacuum.
I got a little package in the mail today. For some reason it just reminded me of my ex.
FYI: You can buy wedding cake even if there`s no wedding, those suckers don`t even check
I’m still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.
Handy tip for new parents : Wake up your baby by gently resting your head on a pillow.