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I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
Talked to someone in person today....what a pain in the a$$ that was!
BREAKING NEWS: New $100 bills start circulating yesterday. I wish this affected my life in any way.
For a minute there, I thought I had just wasted 60 seconds...
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
I don`t need to go to church in order to feel ashamed of myself on Sunday morning.
Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself.
The lady next to me in the elevator told me to press One. That was the last thing I remembered
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.