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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
I don`t always play candy crush. But when I do, I have tourettes like a motherf*cker.
Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
If I rapped I would have to start doing way more stuff because only so many things rhyme with couch.
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
If you don`t think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you`re probably the boss
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I`m part of the other 3%.
i hope your life is as long and useful as this roll of toilet paper!!!
“Should I add more liquor?” is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked.
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
Some people are like Polaroids. You have to shake them violently before they make any sense.
A piñata is NOT a good idea for a Halloween costume.
Having a bad day? Imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate. you`re welcome.
My Christmas present to all of you? I took a naked selfie and deleted it.