Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I made Creme Brulee today. More food should require the use of a blow torch.
If you never jumped from couch to couch as kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
I wonder if the Ziploc bag company secretly lobbies to keep marijuana illegal.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
This ramen noodle and vienna sausage dinner taste exactly like I made the wrong career choice :(
is clapping his hands and stomping his feet because he is happy and he knows it.
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
Apparently, you shouldn’t ask your wife if she’s off her meds more than once a week…
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
Getting a text from someone when I`m trying to Facebook is the emotional equivalent to walking into a spider web.
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?