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I am not available because I am looking at porn that takes up the whole computer screen
There`s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I`m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
I wish there was more BitStrips and photos of giraffes on my Facebook
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
The art of taking a self pic fast enough that no one sees you. The Stealthfie.
"Bros before hoes" is something a bro without a hoe would say.
I just finished writing an article on "How To Improve Your Memory"- But I forgot where I kept it!!
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him.. :|
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.