Daily Silly Status

I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.

Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.

Cashiers are always checking me out.

Legally,It´s questionable. Morally,It´s disgusting. Personally,I like it.

My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions

I`m convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.

I don`t understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He`s better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here

I`m working out my budget and, provided I don`t live past Tuesday, I can retire relatively comfortably!!!

You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.

Wife: I wish we could have sex like we used to... Husband: Do you mean with other people?

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does

That awkward moment when Adele finds someone like me

Pointing out the food you just dropped on the floor to your dog because you`re too lazy to clean it.

I stop at random Jehovah`s Witness houses and drop off copies of Rolling Stone.

Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.