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I`m just a few smartphone apps away from never having to talk to anyone again.
Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.
I left a note in the break room at work saying I had found five bucks. I hadn`t found any money, but it was worth five dollars to learn which of my co-workers is a lying douchebag.
I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout.
Is everything expensive or am I just poor?
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain realizes what I`m doing.
I have a fear of elevators, but I have an even greater fear of exercise.
If at first you don`t succeed then maybe you just suck.
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
"I can`t believe it`s not clutter." ~ A recovering hoarder
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
I tried to be a Rap Singer once. Sadly my rap album, `I Respect the Police & the Risks They Take to Keep My Community Safe`, didn`t do too well on iTunes.
I`m only gonna have one beer. At a time. Until all the beer is gone.
I need to put someone on my weekend to-do list