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Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
April 1st is the absolute worst day to have a heart attack.
My wife just gave me an ultimatum, it’s either her or Facebook. So sadly, this will be my last joke….. in which I talk about having a wife.
Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did New Years Eve and at the beginning add the word "stop."
Never take advice from someone more miserable than you are.
Does everyone have that one dumb ass that finds you on Facebook and will not give up? Repeated friend requests, inbox messages, and follows my pages. It is driving me nuts. I understand at some point I will have to give in, but just because I am married to her doesn`t mean I have to like her, right?
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.
These are not pizza stains on my shirt they are pizza memories, wonderful wonderful memories.
Based on my reaction to toast popping out of a toaster, I’d like to recommend you never throw me a surprise party.