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Sorry that most of my hilarious jokes are borderline inappropriate. And by sorry, I mean you`re welcome.
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
Grandkids are basically puppies for old people.
Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
I think I’m allergic to mornings.
If the shoe fits, wear it. Unless they`re not yours. But you can still were them. It`s just a road test, after all.
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
She asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a helmet and crayons.
Why is the jolly Green giant so damn jolly
Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.
People who have more than 10 items in the express line… We see you and we are judging you.
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".
I sneak alcohol into work because I`m a problem solver.
Duct tape can`t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.