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That awkward moment when im in the Airport, I walk through the metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off
I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults
Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
My favorite hobbies are practical jokes and masturbation. I’m always trying to pull a fast one
The baby spit up on my Xbox so I had to get rid of it ... I`m gonna miss that baby...
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I`m too poor to pay for studio time
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
LOL` the biggest lie on the internet.
If someone says they`ll always be there for you...make sure you find out exactly where "there" is.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.