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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
I just can`t help it ... Sarcastic bitch is built-in.
I wish some people`s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
It`s impossible to look like a bad ass while eating a snow cone.
I live for two reasons. 1) I was born. 2) I haven`t died yet.
I think it`s really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Benjamin, agrees with me.
I have a tremendous sex drive ... My girlfriend lives 25 miles away.
Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
ever notice that on a phone the word "mom" is 666?
Just started a new exercise program where I put on a gorilla mask and chase a random toddler through Costco.
I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
You can only push me so far before I breakdance.
A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.
I like people the most when I`m by myself.
What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?