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"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
I swear I heard my dentist whisper "yolo" as he reached for a chisel...
Stop screaming, lady. All I said was `this is how pornos start`. It`s just elevator talk.
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
The right man breaks your headboard, not your heart.
Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
Iām glad MTV has shows like Teen Mom 3 so girls have good role models besides Miley.
Just burned 3 calories typing this with my thumb muscles. #fitness
Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator...
I`m not ignoring your calls, I just love my ringtone.