Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
What is it about paper towels that makes me always want to use more than one?
"F@ck It" has gotten me through a lot of situations.
It`s funny to watch all these people Bumping Up their own posts.
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
If you have trouble getting your children`s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones? I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones?
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...
I have many talents... For example: Sleeping.
I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.